Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
