why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I die, sorry about rent.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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