So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
