i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
