I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
