Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
