I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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