it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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