a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
