Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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