its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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