Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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