3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
