he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
