Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
