I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
