week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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