did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
