apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
