His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
