We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
