i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
