Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize