She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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