College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just cropdusted the office
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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