if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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