just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
