I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
