you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
