I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
