bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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