ya dads aren't the best wingmen
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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