the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My balls are so social today.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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