They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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