Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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