I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
