and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
