Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
