She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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