Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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