You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
