i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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