im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
