We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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