Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
