I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
