i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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