Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
