When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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