let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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