More tranny stories later!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
