if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
