This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
