We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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