OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
