My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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