I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
