i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
