Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
