i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
