I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
how drunk are you?
Several
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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