There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
