We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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