TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
