he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
