I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
