i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am naked and annoyed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
