i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
