Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you inspire me to be a worse person
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
