Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
