I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
