I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
