In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
