Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
high people should be assigned attendants
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
