I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
