is your mom at the bar?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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