Barsexuality is the new black.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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