'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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