I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
