What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
